2008: A Year in Review

2008, a pivotal year in my life, comes to a close tonight. Reflecting upon this epoch of hellos and goodbyes, successes and failures, and love and heartbreak, I've realized that my most life-changing experiences did not occur at the beginning, nor end of the year, but rather, somewhere in between.

My last days in high school were truly some of the happiest times in my life. I tried desperately to preserve this ecstasy and enjoy it throughout summer, even after graduation. After all, graduation, in a general sense, is just the transition from one level to the next, right? I tried to make the most of it, but the longest summer I've ever had in my life passed far too quickly. No matter how hard I tried, some things couldn't graduate with me -- they didn't fit into the next level. I realize now that some things are better left where they are. Sometimes the best things aren't meant to last -- like a firework that burns bright for a few awe-inspiring breaths as opposed to the dull flicker of a withering candle.

That pivotal time in my life brought with it one of the most challenging frustrations I've had -- uncertainty. Where do I go, where did I come from, where is home, who am I, who are they? I felt stranded between the past and the future. Stuck in the present, equidistantly fixed between a place I no longer recognize and a place that does not recognize me.

Ultimately, I had no choice but to move on. Do not let my glib use of the term "move on" suggest that it was an easy task for me. In this second chapter of 2008, I dealt with some things way beyond my maturity level. Aside from maintaining my honors program requirements, finding friends at school, and rediscovering my friends at home, I had so much in front of me. I admit, it's all very.. perhaps scary is not even the right word. Overwhelming, maybe? It's overwhelming to think of all the possibilities, the opportunities, and adventures in store for me. If anything, I really tried my best to tackle the future and try new things. I've done some traveling, tried some social things outside of my comfort zone, and picked up new hobbies. How has this changed me?

The following is an excerpt, an albeit an embarrassing one, from my xanga. Unfortunately I don't have a blog entry documenting 2007, but this is better than nothing:

06: A Succinct Reflection
pressure
crushes
heartbeats
heartbreaks
no sleep
big dreams
depression
dark days dealt with dance.
hood up
head down
smile
style
and many miles
left to walk.

To be honest, not much has changed as far as the things presented there. The vital change is in the way I approach and handle these things. Replace "Hood up" and "head down" with "chin up".

Lastly, I thought I would keep with the tradition of some phrases to recap the year, but with a little twist. A friend of mine told me she loves lists. I hope some of these will trigger memories, because believe it or not, I'm not that much of a loner. Some of these might even pertain to you!

Firsts (or in a long long time):
Taco al pastor
Smash tournament
Cookie baked
L'uau
Cry
House party
Time superspotted
Date
F
Time away from home

Lasts:
Time in the SACs
Use of The Metaphor
"Stocks" App on iPhone used
Time on superfuture 3.0 (RIP)
Clase en español
F

New Years Resolutions:
1. Stop setting self up for failure
2. End this list abruptly to ensure #1.

See you next year.

hella hyphy ho ho ho humbug

Here's a hella huge holiday update.

Unfortunately I missed Holidays Around the World (I'm sure MABAND was great) and the CAMS Alumcheon (I'm sure nobody would've remembered me anyway) because I was on a road trip with a bunch of nerds going to San Francisco for a Smash Bros. Brawl Tournament, the West Coast Smash League. The car ride was long and obnoxious, and the tournament was pretty whack too. I didn't even make it out of pools because I had DSF, arguably the best Metaknight in the West Coast for some time, and someone else who had plenty of Samus practice with one of the nation's best Samuses. Whatever.

I'm really glad that I didn't stay in SF and play Brawl all weekend. I got there Friday at around 1 and was picked up by a friend I hadn't seen since my last Norcal tourney in 2003. That weekend I was an honorary member of the Atienza family, along with Adelbert (aka Adel) and his kuyas Norbert and Robert. I guess I got to be Nardbert.

My three kuyas took me out to "the city" as they call it. We walked to Union Square and through the Metreon and stuff. Here are some pics of the city, courtesy of Kuya Robert:

The thing we parked in front of.





Avatar Bernard: the Gender Bender. This was the first legitimate time I had a non-nerdy use for my flashlight!

Then we bounced to J-town for some food. I got katsu curry from Tanpopo and some awesome banana, nutella, whip cream, vanilla ice cream crepe afterwards:




Oh, and on the way out of the J-town parking structure, I saw this picture:

Looks legit, right?



C-C-C-COMBO BREAKER!!

This was all on Friday night. Saturday came, and Adel and I went to the tournament at SFSU. It was lame, w/e. Then we got Thai BBQ and went back to his house and chilled. When I woke up, Adel dragged me to my first house party, let alone a NorCal one. There were hella short pinays drinking stuff. I recall there was a girl who always had an alcoholic beverage in her hand, walked a little tipsy on purpose so that boys would take advantage of her. She succeeded in that regard. I managed to maintain my moral fiber and did not drink or smoke or whatever.

The next morning, I went with the Atienzas to church. The girl in front of me was really cute, she was wearing a black peacoat, grey skinny jeans, and black boots. She was hella into the mass, reading from her bible, singing along and everything. After mass, I went with the Atienzas to a Filipino Christmas party. That was pretty weird. Then I hit up Self Edge, and unfortunately nobody I knew was there. Clay was there, and he was wearing the same thing as me -- SExFH05BKs and Clarks Desert Boots. He seemed kinda annoyed with me when I asked to see a pair of jeans that didn't exist yet...





Later that night, I packed up and hit up Serramonte, a mall in Daly City. I basically managed to amble through a poorly lit, strangely odored Hollister store. We'll skip the ride back home because it was awfully grimy.

CHRISTMAS ZOMG

Here's what I got for Christmas. It's basically a mix of lame basics/jawnz, HSM3 merch, and arab money:

3D Madness


Necklace pens to write pretend love letters to Tro--er, Gabriella on...


These memo sheets...


Stripper Status Gabriella. On some Nintendo Sixty-FOUUUUUURRRRR tip.


Stickers to tag up my dorm, poster for my dorm room...


For people to leave nasty remarks about me on my dorm door...


New wallet, will see wear with my new jeans next year :]


Gettin' Arab Money

And here are clothes from Ever. I apologize for my belly, I've seemed to have gained weight from almond rocas and cheese rolls, lol:


White zip up


Grey cardi


OD Green buttonup


Khaki and grey jacket, nice collar detail and pockets


Same as first jacket but in grey


Glorified Homelesswear by Gap in dark grey.

Dark grey, or "light black", as a special friend of mine who I hadn't talked to for a long time decided to call it. :} Clothes and money and HSM are great and all, but renewing a friendship is really more than what I could ask for.

Merry Christmas, everyone.

CAMS BRAWL LOSER, HUH?

I have good news!!

Race's VI: Mark of the Millennium

I placed 17th out of 87 entrants at Race's tournament last Saturday.
I went 1-2 with Ajax, SoCal's 9th ranked player, a very good Snake. I was able to easily control him in the first match. He needed coaching from someone else in his crew throughout the matches, but he eventually came out on top. I was sent to the loser's bracket. After eliminating 2 other competitors..
I eliminated LeePuff, SoCal's 4th ranked player, a Mr. Game & Watch main, from the loser's bracket. He decided to go Wolf in the first round. I almost lost but pulled a clutch as hell spike on the final stock for an early lead. In the last match of the set, we were both at fatally high percents, but I managed to stop his approach with a missile cancel to dtilt for the KO.
I also eliminated CPU, the guy who won EVO2k8 against Ken, the undisputed King of Smash from the loser's bracket with another clutch comeback in the last set. After being gimped at 20% in my first stock, I played it smart and punished his ROB almost frame perfectly and made sure he couldn't recover.


Here's the bracket: Click

I tied in placement with some really great players, perhaps the best DK, Pokemon Trainer and Zero Suit Samus I've seen.

I went pink Samus 100% of the way! I'm very proud of my performance at my first major tournament.

:]

My Mom Disturbs Me

My mom must have spent all weekend making this.

Epic scenes include: Me singing to Gabriella, Ryan jumping across the screen in a flying split while mouthing, "Yayuh!"

time for a cold soak?

I just ate a grape and I...

FREESTYLE THURSDAY

The following is what happens when asian nerds attempt to battle rap:

Jason Joo grabs the mic.

Me (my default Lunch away message):
I'm servin' you cats
with every word that I rap
Your verses are wack
compared to this verbal attack
And so it's crunchtime,
I come quipped with the punchlines
If you wanna step, you can find me in the lunchlines.
(eating lunch)

Jason:
My verses are wack? Fool, check yourself
My CDs would be sellin' while yours sittin' on the shelf
You ain't got no punchlines so I don't even need to step
Your flow like molasses so you're not even a threat
While you're waiting for your food in the lunchline
I'll be in the kitchen, scheming and planning your demise
Got a good supply of hot lines that you can buy
Maybe you'll learn something from eating my rap pie

Me:
You don't need to step? I thought this nerd played DDR
Close your eyes, so when I rip you, you won't see the scars
You say you pushin' discs but who buys CDs in stores?
Kids pirate my flow simply cuz it's sweeter than yours
It's like molasses, every verse is a slow killing
And I tried your rap pie, it was all crust -- no filling
Leavin me with an appetite, so every time I grab the mic
I pass the hours and devour every single cat in sight
Your time is a-tickin', so you go and hide in the kitchen
from these rhymes that I'm flippin cuz every punchline has a victim. (Jason Joo.)

Jason:
What's a-tickin is the countdown before I blow up
Kids buy my tracks because they know I don't suck
You talk about nerds, but you're the one playing Smash
How you gon' pick up chicks by knowing how to dash?
Remember, they don't pirate your rhymes 'cuz they're sweet
It's just that no one wants a wack, fad rapper to eat
A slow killing? 'cuz you can only spit one good line
While I murder emcees just by looking into their eyes?
You ain't gonna have an appetite after I'm done with you
Murk you with sweet lines like you're Winnie the Pooh

Me:
You say I spit one line, but I come back with the dope stuff
When you're on your knees is the only time you "blow up"
An ill veteran in need of medicine cuz I flow sick
I get chicks not cuz of the dash but because I don't trip
And they feelin the videogames cuz they know I'm nice with my hands
You only look into guy's eyes trying to find the right man
Son you're Gaye, "What's Goin' On", is your name Marvin?
Kids don't want somethin' to eat? I know they starvin!
Got a stomach ache tryin to digest your lines, they too funny
You can call me Winnie the Pooh cuz I stay gettin the good honeys

Brandon:
Both of you niggas have no game
Youre rappin at each other like you have no shame
Sittin in the closet hidin from the hoard
Both of you need to come out and fight with a sword
Jason’s gotta get offline and write some real lines
Your lines are wack, they sound like click clack or a nigga whos on too much crack
Bernard’s got Q_Q and Q_Q some more
Youre spittin rhymes but theyre just a bore
You lucky if your CD’s get on shelves
Both yall better hope you get some help from Santa’s elves.
Sitting on your compies writing some raps are only getting you fat
Just sit back and watch while the master takes his turn at bat.

Jason:
I blow up on my knees 'cuz my dick's in your ass
You know you don't get honeys because you just don't last
You're nice with your hands 'cuz you always jackin' fools off
You don't flow sick 'cuz all you do is cry and sob
I'm findin' the right man to be more gentle with you
Don't have to look hard, found a QQ guy named Drew
Brandon, why the fuck are you butting into this?
Not one line in your verse was a single good diss
I am Santa, bitch, I don't need elves, I got ho's
I make it rain deer to cover you with my sick flow

Me:
Yo that last verse was so sorry I thought it was an apology
One more n-bomb and I won't be the one makin you say "GET OFF'A ME!!!"
So if you wanna play with them racial slurs
Lemme say you're so chinky, lackin' any facial curves
So reconsider the next time you even attempt to diss this
Ask Santa and maybe you can get yourself a pair of eyes for Christmas
Then you can finally see how your flowin' is wack
And your boyfriend's O-face while you're strokin' his bat

After my last rebuttal we all agreed that no more needed to be said.

Rabbit, rabbit.

EDIT: OMG I FORGOT TO SAY RABBIT RABBIT CUZ THIS ASSHOLE SAID HI TO ME IN THE BATHROOM SO I RESPONDED WITH "MORNING" OMG.
Also don't forget to check out malbec's Answering Machine EP#1:
Download

It's the first of the month. You know what that means.

If you're reading this before you go to bed, then you're in (potential) luck. When you wake up after reading this tomorrow morning, make sure the first thing you do is say out loud:

"Rabbit, rabbit."

It supposedly gives you good luck for the rest of the entire month.

I know I'm going to be needing it, because as of right now I'm screwed for this week. I actually managed to schedule my classes in such a way that all my finals coincide on the same day -- Monday morning of finals week. That means not only do I have to take 3 finals on the same day, but I also have to study for them a week in advance -- on top of all of my normal homework assignments and instruction. Here's a glimpse into my tentatively scheduled Hell Week:


The blue items are just normal things to do at my dorm or at home: sleep, eat, breaks, etc. Green boxes are my lectures and classes. Red boxes... that's study time. Orange boxes are time to do homework and other assignments.

I'm hoping to get through all of this in one piece so I can COP HELLA JAWNZ this Saturday at Ever's warehouse sale. LAME BASICS here I come!

So hopefully if you feel like you have a crappy week, this might make you feel a little bit better about yourself.

present status

yesterday was black friday.
i wore all black as usual.
i played as the black guy in left4dead with the vent boys.
i stayed peasant status and didn't cop anything.
and i didn't use any nodoz either.
it seemed like the longest day ever.

yesterday was also a month later.
i still think about it.
i just realized that.

THNKS FR TH MMRS

It seems that every Thanksgiving I'm Q_Qing about something, haha. It also seems that whatever I want, I can't have.. and whatever I'm given, I can't handle.

I suppose this is a random place to start, but I'm thankful for Kanye West and his newest joint, 808s & Heartbreak. Both lyrically and stylistically it somehow got me through the past few days. And by the past few days I mean I'm listening to this album on repeat while I'm in the bathroom, walking to class, crying, or studying -- which is basically all the time I spend awake:



Kanye said in an interview about the album that it's dark and different because that's the kind of music he wanted it to be. He acknowledges that after the loss of his mother and fiancée that he has nothing more to lose, and that not living his life to the fullest to sit around and Q_Q about it would do absolutely nothing to bring back what he lost. (In that same interview, he noted that his upcoming shoe with Nike will be "superfuture"-istic.) In that sense, I'm trying to spend this Thanksgiving by enjoying it without Q_Qing for nothing.

I suppose it would be an appropriate time of the year to measure how much I've changed. Last Thanksgiving was spent Q_Qing over some laughably childish drama, questioning who my friends were, and playing Melee with Jordan. And to think, in just one year, I'll be playing Brawl instead. How things change...

This year I wouldn't say the drama is childish, because I really went through some rough transitions and revelations. I'm thankful for my family and friends who got me through it -- I'm not as strong as I like to think I am.
As for questioning who my friends are -- it's tough to say. I haven't met many people at UCI yet, but there are a handful right now that when I think about it, I'd be really worse off without them. I'm thankful for people that look out for me, who sit with me when I'm eating alone, and who still wave hello to me even though we don't live together nor have any classes together, for the supergays, and for the overachieving honors kids.

Tonight I also got a returned call -- only about a year late, but better late than never. An old friend of mine decided to grow a pair and hit me up to make sure we're still cool, to keep in touch, just to check up. I didn't think much of it at first but now it really gave me hope that if people still care they'll come around eventually. I can only hope so.

...I'm also thankful for Smash because it helped me make a lot of friends and have a lot of fun. :]

I'm thankful for NoDoz too.

present status

I'm done.

iSketch

When my clever artistic skills meet Shan's incredible fail:

spooked...

I embarrassed myself this morning. I started the morning in Physics, dozing off as I normally do. I can't get enough sleep at night when it's quiet for some reason. Instead, I tend to fall asleep when either a.) in a moving car (passenger seat or behind the wheel, regardless. teehee) or b.) when I'm subjected to listening to a loud, monotonous voice. In this case, it's my Physics professor, who somehow manages to yell into the microphone. Another example of this phenomenon would be a priest on a loudspeaker system during mass. Terrible, I know...

Moving on, as I was half asleep and zombie-walking through the park in my sagged jeans, I end up in Middle Earth. I'm rounding the corner to get to my dorm. Some upper classman of some sort was walking towards me on the same sidewalk, and we make eye contact. In an attempt to avoid getting any more in his way which could potentially result in another awkward sidewalk tango situation, I hugged the edge of the sidewalk near the bushes.

Despite my valiant efforts, I managed to jump and spring into him, flailing my arms in the least masculine fashion after I briefly glanced down at the ground only to find THIS (Do not click if you are squeamish/and or pussy like me)

I would think it's safe to say that something like that was slightly disturbing. I apologized to the guy and showed him what caused the reaction. My attempt to regain my composure and get over the initial embarrassment was interrupted by a random girl from my hall saying behind me, "It's okay, I would have jumped too."

I just frowned and walked inside. Damn you, demonspawn bloody black beady eye socketed rabbit corpses.

11/11/08

On 11/11 at 11:11:11PM I couldn't think of what to wish for, so I wished that "things would get better."

But by sharing that with you, my loyal readers, I have just destroyed any possibility of that wish coming true. Supposedly if you wish for something and let people know what you wished for, it won't come true.

But what good comes from secrets anyway?

veteran's day

So today I said perhaps the most pathetic sentence in existence:
"One adult ticket to High School Musical 3, please."

Friday

This was dinner tonight.


might update this post, but as for now, not feeling the best.

Thursday

I woke up late today. Well, I actually woke up on time, but I decided to be lazy and snooze in bed for a good forty-five minutes. I got up, washed my face and discovered a terrible pimple scar on the corner of my mouth. I applied a few coats of Neosporin only to discover that the best way to hide scars is to apply an ointment that makes them redder, shinier and more noticeable. I powerwalked to class in some bungalow trailer that's ~HeLlA~ far dressed in a pink PRL tee, my Flat Heads and True White Chukkas (sleazin' it hard [oh and to make things worse this one girl I know saw me all unshaven, unshowered with a glowing red sniperbeam pimplescar on my mouth]). I took a seat, turned on Wi-Fi on my phone and browsed through ~HeLLa KyOoHt~ pics of Anna at Knott's Scary Farm.
Then the TA gave a quiz that I had 20 minutes to finish AND cooperation with other students was highly encouraged. I didn't really care until it was too late, and I'm pretty sure that I failed. Oh well.
I went back to my dorm and studied chem hXc mode until I was able to get through last year's quiz in 10 minutes. This is a normal habit for me now. Shocking, isn't it?
Having completely lost track of time, I was reminded of my miserable reality when my iPhone notified me of my lab in 30 minutes. At that point I hadn't finished the lab nor had I prepared anything for the next lab.. and I completely neglected my physical needs -- I skipped both breakfast and lunch. I drew a bootleg-ass flowchart for the lab while scarfing down two semi-defrosted chimichangas and powerwalked again to my lab.
This is when things started to get better for me. My TA didn't even care that my flowchart sucked because I obviously wouldn't affect his future, so he let it slide. Also, my four-hour lab ended up taking only an hour and a half after I joined forces with two try-hard asian girls. ~^*YaTtA!*^~ With my free time I dicked around and lollygagged (no homo) until I was almost late for my 5:00pm BME lecture. On the way to lecture I checked my mail and lo and behold.. My Fenix E01 LED torch arrived! I started playing with it as soon as I got the battery in (LIKE MOST OF MY OTHER MINIATURE ROD-SHAPED TOYS). At BME there wasn't even a lecture, we just met with a TA and he told us what our project would be like. It turns out IDP did have applicable lessons because I'm doing one all over again... The TA had on some APC NS btw. I asked him because I'm weird like that. After departing from my HELLA nor cal group (save Peter), I went back to my dorm to layer up because today's forecast: HELLA COLD. I met up with Juan and Tanaka to kick it at UTC. I got some mediocre peasant curry as depicted below:


I'm also starting to think that the peasants in China who manufacture their chopsticks fail as well:


Great. I busted out the images. That's a little too baller for my tastes. I'll cut this short right here.

ON A COMPLETELY UNRELATED NOTE:
I use the word "After" as an introductory preposition for a DC,IC.
SECONDLY
I seem to have trouble with physically greeting people. This is not the case with girls, for I dare not even think of touching them.
As for guys, when I first meet you -- I'mma shake your hand. A direct, no silly shiet, firm handshake. If I already know you and I go for the slap, you best believe the slap is gonna switch to a one-armed, chest bumpin' gangsta hug. Do NOT expect a shake after the slap. There is a time and place for a shake, and it's definitely not after an intimate gangsta moment. The same goes for pounds. If I give you a fist or a pound, why you gonna hit me back with a shake, man? If I already meet you and I'm gonna say goodbye, I'mma hit you with a fist or a pound, and we OUT. I suppose it IS polite to shake again and say "It was nice meeting you" but if we coo then no need to bust that out.

We coo?
Aiight.
We coo.

first post

don't expect anything nice.. after all, this blog is peasant status.