THNKS FR TH MMRS

It seems that every Thanksgiving I'm Q_Qing about something, haha. It also seems that whatever I want, I can't have.. and whatever I'm given, I can't handle.

I suppose this is a random place to start, but I'm thankful for Kanye West and his newest joint, 808s & Heartbreak. Both lyrically and stylistically it somehow got me through the past few days. And by the past few days I mean I'm listening to this album on repeat while I'm in the bathroom, walking to class, crying, or studying -- which is basically all the time I spend awake:



Kanye said in an interview about the album that it's dark and different because that's the kind of music he wanted it to be. He acknowledges that after the loss of his mother and fiancée that he has nothing more to lose, and that not living his life to the fullest to sit around and Q_Q about it would do absolutely nothing to bring back what he lost. (In that same interview, he noted that his upcoming shoe with Nike will be "superfuture"-istic.) In that sense, I'm trying to spend this Thanksgiving by enjoying it without Q_Qing for nothing.

I suppose it would be an appropriate time of the year to measure how much I've changed. Last Thanksgiving was spent Q_Qing over some laughably childish drama, questioning who my friends were, and playing Melee with Jordan. And to think, in just one year, I'll be playing Brawl instead. How things change...

This year I wouldn't say the drama is childish, because I really went through some rough transitions and revelations. I'm thankful for my family and friends who got me through it -- I'm not as strong as I like to think I am.
As for questioning who my friends are -- it's tough to say. I haven't met many people at UCI yet, but there are a handful right now that when I think about it, I'd be really worse off without them. I'm thankful for people that look out for me, who sit with me when I'm eating alone, and who still wave hello to me even though we don't live together nor have any classes together, for the supergays, and for the overachieving honors kids.

Tonight I also got a returned call -- only about a year late, but better late than never. An old friend of mine decided to grow a pair and hit me up to make sure we're still cool, to keep in touch, just to check up. I didn't think much of it at first but now it really gave me hope that if people still care they'll come around eventually. I can only hope so.

...I'm also thankful for Smash because it helped me make a lot of friends and have a lot of fun. :]

I'm thankful for NoDoz too.